Human beings have always hung on to the illusion that happiness is brought about by something outside ourselves, that is, independent of ourselves. Even the very essence or nature or shall we call etymology of the word “happiness” I suspect comes from the word “hap from happening – ”. or “hap from perhaps “. Is happiness something that by chance happened to us or can we be happy irrespective of circumstances? Are we dependent on something, or a person or a special event to happen for us to be happy? Many people live their entire lives looking for the right job, the right mate, the right possessions, and the perfect background. Many people pursue happiness but few people find it. Happiness to many people becomes an event that happened accidentally.
Tragically our own experiences show us that happiness does not come the way we want. As soon as we obtain the thing we want the most, we enjoy it for minutes, days, or months, at the most, and then we are off wanting something else. It seems our senses are easily deceived, saturated or cloyed by good things. I remember as a child I waited with endless anticipation for the Chinese New Year which to my childish mind seemed to be the happiest day of the year and when the day actually dawned, it was an anticlimax – it was just an ordinary day in spite of the good time and goodies that we got as children. But the waiting and expectancy produced continuous sparks of excitement and happiness.
We seek for something or someone outside of ourselves in order to fill the many emotional chasms we experience, from childhood to the present. But things, money, people and events can never fill those gaps because they are never the cause of those emptiness within ourselves. Happiness is elusive, it comes and goes and vanishes like the mists on Penang Hill.
Happiness can only come from within, from deep within our spirits. Our spirits have unfathomable longings that only God can satisfy. What makes us happy? We think we are happy when someone is kind to us or even when someone smiles at us. We think we are happy when someone listens to us and lends us their shoulder to cry on. We are also happiest when we do those same things for others. Many people think that they are happy if they have everything that money could buy. Sadly, this is not true. Many of the suicides were committed by the rich and famous who obviously felt that life had no meaning and that they had nothing to live for.
The secret to happiness is in giving, not receiving. Receiving is a side-effect, a bonus. True happiness comes not from seeking happiness but in giving happiness to others. When you give love to others, you are happy. When others give love to you, you are happy. When we love ourselves we are happy. When we love ourselves, we have love to give to others. I do have a critical spirit and it is not easy for me to love others and I do have a lot to learn to achieve true happiness.
The secret to unhappiness is seeking something outside yourself that will make you happy. The secret to happiness is to acknowledge and be grateful for what you already have. Happiness is not a matter of your actual circumstances. It is a matter of your attitude toward your circumstances.
One could be in prison and be happier than many who are supposedly free. One could have almost nothing, in terms of material possessions, and be happier than many millionaires. When we appreciate what we have and our life condition, we are happy. I remember a friend of mine telling me that her wealthy relative had lost her ability to enjoy such food as chicken because it is so common and ordinary. She needed to have exotic food to titillate her palate and excite her appetite. I believe that the poor man enjoys his meal of ikan bilis, fried kangkong and plain rice just as much or even more than the man as rich as Bill Gates enjoys his banquet.
This brings me to my conclusion that we should strive for the things that really matter – our good health, peace of mind, the ability to enjoy the simple things in life – the company of those we love, good healthy food, sunshine, fresh air and to enjoy the beauties of God’s creations – the starry heavens and the magnificent sunrise which brings hope of a beautiful day. These are long lasting pleasures that no amount of money can buy.
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