Is the Pursuit of Happiness Elusive?

Human beings have always hung on to the illusion that happiness is brought about by something outside ourselves, that is, independent of ourselves. Even the very essence or nature or shall we call etymology of the word “happiness” I suspect comes from the word “hap from happening – ”. or “hap from perhaps “. Is happiness something that by chance happened to us or can we be happy irrespective of circumstances? Are we dependent on something, or a person or a special event to happen for us to be happy? Many people live their entire lives looking for the right job, the right mate, the right possessions, and the perfect background. Many people pursue happiness but few people find it. Happiness to many people becomes an event that happened accidentally.

Tragically our own experiences show us that happiness does not come the way we want. As soon as we obtain the thing we want the most, we enjoy it for minutes, days, or months, at the most, and then we are off wanting something else. It seems our senses are easily deceived, saturated or cloyed by good things. I remember as a child I waited with endless anticipation for the Chinese New Year which to my childish mind seemed to be the happiest day of the year and when the day actually dawned, it was an anticlimax – it was just an ordinary day in spite of the good time and goodies that we got as children. But the waiting and expectancy produced continuous sparks of excitement and happiness.

We seek for something or someone outside of ourselves in order to fill the many emotional chasms we experience, from childhood to the present. But things, money, people and events can never fill those gaps because they are never the cause of those emptiness within ourselves. Happiness is elusive, it comes and goes and vanishes like the mists on Penang Hill. 

Happiness can only come from within, from deep within our spirits. Our spirits have unfathomable longings that only God can satisfy. What makes us happy? We think we are happy when someone is kind to us or even when someone smiles at us. We think we are happy when someone listens to us and lends us their shoulder to cry on. We are also happiest when we do those same things for others. Many people think that they are happy if they have everything that money could buy. Sadly, this is not true. Many of the suicides were committed by the rich and famous who obviously felt that life had no meaning and that they had nothing to live for.

The secret to happiness is in giving, not receiving. Receiving is a side-effect, a bonus. True happiness comes not from seeking happiness but in giving happiness to others. When you give love to others, you are happy. When others give love to you, you are happy. When we love ourselves we are happy. When we love ourselves, we have love to give to others. I do have a critical spirit and it is not easy for me to love others and I do have a lot to learn to achieve true happiness.

The secret to unhappiness is seeking something outside yourself that will make you happy. The secret to happiness is to acknowledge and be grateful for what you already have. Happiness is not a matter of your actual circumstances. It is a matter of your attitude toward your circumstances.

One could be in prison and be happier than many who are supposedly free. One could have almost nothing, in terms of material possessions, and be happier than many millionaires. When we appreciate what we have and our life condition, we are happy. I remember a friend of mine telling me that her wealthy relative had lost her ability to enjoy such food as chicken because it is so common and ordinary. She needed to have exotic food to titillate her palate and excite her appetite. I believe that the poor man enjoys his meal of ikan bilis, fried kangkong and plain rice just as much or even more than the man as rich as Bill Gates enjoys his banquet.

This brings me to my conclusion that we should strive for the things that really matter – our good health, peace of mind, the ability to enjoy the simple things in life – the company of those we love, good healthy food, sunshine, fresh air and to enjoy the beauties of God’s creations – the starry heavens and the magnificent sunrise which brings hope of a beautiful day. These are long lasting pleasures that no amount of money can buy.

Are You Limited By Your Physical Frontiers?

From time immemorial, men have always long to have absolute freedom in every aspect of life. They long to fly like a bird, do what they like to do. But that is, of course, impossible. We are finite beings, we have inbuilt limitations. We are controlled not only by natural laws but we are also controlled by the laws of the country where we live. The Greek legend of Icarus who attempted to fly like a bird and died in the process is not only tragic but ludicrous and silly. We are entertained by the story of men’s attempt to do the impossible.



God has created us with certain limitations for obvious reasons; just imagine what kind of a world we would be living in if everyone could fly like a bird. What crimes could be committed by the sinful or evil inclinations of human nature if there were no laws in the country to control them. God in His infinite wisdom knows there need to be a boundary to our abilities. The more talents we have, the more wisdom we need to use them effectively. Adolf Hitler was not a man with ordinary abilities; he obviously was a compelling personality and had the gift to control the minds and hearts of millions of people but he did not have the wisdom (as we understand wisdom to be) to use his abilities for his ultimate benefit; in the process he destroyed the lives of millions of people, including himself. Likewise Saddam Hussein was such a man in our time. What are the secrets of their evil genius? People have often wondered.



Although in certain aspects, we need to have our freedom and abilities to be constrained, I thank God there is a world inside myself that has no boundaries, just like this universe has no frontiers. Within this little grey matter of mine, resides my mind or my soul. In the kingdom of the mind, I have all the freedom in the world, I can do whatever I like, I can weave dreams and fantasies and do things I would not dare to do in the real world. I can live in a world of fantasy and doing things I would not dream of doing in the real world. Well, I can do so with impunity but I cannot escape from the omniscience of God.. Temptation is not a sin nor a crime until it is executed in the real world.



Wonderful as this prospect of freedom of the mind is, it is nothing compare to the day when my spirit leave this house of clay; then there will be no limitations of space and time. I can be anywhere I want to be, In the spirit world, distance and time do not exist. I can travel millions of miles in the blink of an eye; I can spend a year basking in the sun as I live in eternity and there is no question of wasting time.



With the wonderful advancement in technology and the advent of the internet, life can never be the same for mankind. We can live a virtual world of our own invention. Much of our physical limitations have been removed. We can contact people on the other end of the world instantly; at the click of the mouse, we have access to knowledge and events round the world before us. A friend of mine has said, “the internet tend to make people more reclusive as they would spend time surfing it rather than to socialize”. I do not subscribe to this opinion. We have the freedom to connect with anybody in this world and it is harder for us to feel lonely in such an environment. I believe a recluse is one by nature, not one dictated by circumstances.



With so much limitations to connect with other people removed and unlimited access to knowledge and events, we also have unlimited potential to empower ourselves to work for a better life. Internet and network marketing have exploded; our businesses, whatever they may be, can be exploited to the furthest regions of the world and who knows what would happen in the years to come. If there is a colony of human beings on another planet, we can even have commerce with them.



Yes, we have very little reason to be lonely, especially if we can write and express ourselves well; I can share my thoughts, dreams and fantasies with the whole world. Now Google Adsense has made it possible to make money while sharing our thoughts, dreams and ideas in this expanding universe of infinite possibilities. Google Adsense is indeed a bonus or the icing to the cake to something that I truly enjoy and it is no chore at all. Thank you Google for making my job not only profitable but a pleasure in itself.

Prisoner Of My Five Senses

I used to be a prisoner of my five senses. Anything beyond the horizon of my physical senses are unreal to me. While studying history in school, the subject was not very interesting to me because I had an insurmountable difficulty in believing that those events actually took place and those fascinating historical figures ever existed because I was not there to witness the events or see those people.

This is also the main reason why I had difficulty in reaching out to God. I long to be set free. My spirit was like a bird in the cage of my five senses. I had put my trust in human beings because I could see and touch human beings. Time and again I was rudely confronted with the fact that human beings were not trustworthy at all; even the best of them would let me down because they were limited. Eventually I realized that I could not depend on any human being no matter how wonderful he or she was. I also found out that I could not depend on myself completely because I, too, had my own limitations. Often times I did more harm to myself than my enemies did to me. I need to depend on a being without limitation. In those days God was very unreal to me, something beyond the reach of my five senses. My faith was practically non-existent.

For many years I dallied with God; sometimes I thought I had faith or was emotionally influenced by others who had faith. My faith in God was not an independent reality; it was dependent on my feelings and my feelings were controlled by my moods. This fact gradually dawned upon me. I was a person not only trapped in my physical body but in my five senses and I never could seem to build a relationship with God even though I need to know Him desperately.

My relationship with God seemed to be seasonal; there were times when I sought Him with every atom of my being and there were times when I completely forgot His existence and behaved as though I was a self-created being and completely in control of my future. I wanted to seek happiness my own way; I wanted the credit of being the author of my own destiny – the captain of my own soul.

Most of the times things would get out of control and went wrong; sometimes terribly wrong; I was thrown back to the only resource I know - God!

I was wandering far, far away from my Creator……. until one day in early 1998; one day in the middle of March 1998, I was folding the deckchair which was jammed; I expended all my strength,,,,,,until, yes it closed with a lightning Bang! I felt a heavy blow to my right eye – the metal bar of the deckchair had struck my right eyeball. My right eye was numb for some time; there was no bleeding. I looked in the mirror and examined my right eye. It looked normal to me and there were no bruises either. But deep inside me, I had an inexplicable dread that something was terribly wrong but I did not know what it was. I was to know very soon. The following night while walking back from a friend’s house, I became aware there was a flashing light. Of course, as it was dark at night, I thought that the light streamed from a natural source – from a light in somebody’s house or a lamp somewhere. As I went on, the flashing light followed my right vision. When I shook my head, the flashing light was like a fork of lightning in action. The full horror dawned upon me immediately! The flashing light was not a light that I had seen outside myself. The flashing light came from within my own injured right eye. I was numbed with horror and dread. What was I to do? I kept shaking my head as though I could shake the flashing light away.


As time went on, I sank into an abysmal depression from which I could not see a way out; I lost my zest for life; I could not enjoy my food and gradually my weight and looks depreciated. Of course, as usual I turned to human beings first because they were so real to me. I went to see the eye specialist at the General Hospital. After examining my eyes, she could not give me the hope I was waiting to hear; after hearing her opinion, I was overcome with despair. According to her, my condition was not going to improve; on the contrary, it definitely was going to deteriorate. There was no medication for such a condition. I was emotionally numbed; I moved about like a zombie, mentally detached from my surroundings. I contacted my closest girlfriends and poured out my woes and fears to them. Of course, they were sympathetic. They also tried ways and means to help me. During the night, I was unable to sleep; I tossed and turned on my back. It was worse at night because the flashes of lightning were more pronounced, more palpable. I could not turn my head without the flashes of lightning following my vision. I became desperate looking for a cure. I went to see Lim Eye Clinic. After examing my right eye, his verdict was “vitreous detachment”. I could not really understand what it was; it was explained to me that the vitreous became detached from the retina as a result of heavy impact directly on the eye. He reassured me that the condition was not dangerous but I felt it definitely was distressing – I was almost going crazy in looking for a way out of my predicament. He gave me some medicine. I thought it odd that he could give me medication when the hospital eye specialist had told me that there was no medication for such a condition. I was a bit comforted; at least he was able to give me some medication. I was suspicious of course. Were those tablets mere placebo to deceive me and give me false reassurance? I consumed the tablets; needless to say, there was no improvement. Days and nights dragged on; I could not escape from the flashing light. I lost weight very fast. All the hard work of increasing my weight were then set back by several pounds.

I went to see another specialist, Dr Shaik , for a third opinion. He too, was able to give me medication but after consuming it, there was no noticeable improvement. I realised that those two doctors were probably deceiving me or giving me false hopes but I was so desperate for a glimmer of hope that I was actually grateful. Even false hopes were preferable to the eternal night of no hope.

Finally, in desperation I went to see the specialist at Gleneagles Medical Centre. After examining my eyes, he came forth with the brutal truth. The vitreous, which is a jelly-like substance, was really detached from the retina and the condition was going to get progressively worse with age. According to him, there was no cure or reversal of the condition, no drugs that could attach the vitreous to the retina.


I was beyond the reach of medical help; there was absolutely no hope, no hope – those words rang in my ears like the funeral dirge.

His words were the last things I wanted to hear; it was like a death sentence to me. I was afraid that my eyesight was permanently damaged and that one day I would even become blind; I could not imagine life without my eyesight. I thought death would be more merciful to me than blindness. But my entire being shrank from the thought of death. Death was the great unknown, the annilation of self and consciousness. Would I cease to exist? And where would I go? For the first time, I came face to face with the reality of death, the inevitability of death, the certainty of death one day….but that is still a long way in the future perhaps. I did not have the courage to face life without my eyesight and I did not have the courage to face death either. I felt trapped, hopeless and in the deepest depths of despair.

I felt lonely, isolated in my despair, beyond the reach of anyone ; for days I moved about like a robot. .Those days were the loneliest of my life.

But I would not give up hope; I realized how limited medical science was. I asked some of my girlfriends to pray for me and I attended as many healing services as possible. I began to realize how frail I was, how limited and helpless I was; I began to seek God with all my heart; longed for Him as travellers in a desert dying of thirst longed for water. On one occasion I asked an African pastor whose wife was miraculously healed of brain tumour whether God could really heal my eye. We were on the seventh floor of Harbour Trade Centre overlooking the sea and the horizon beyond; he looked at me and said, “Look at the beauty all around you; all these were made by God. Since God could make all these, healing your eye would be a very simple task!”

For the first time I saw light at the end of the tunnel; I prayed relentlessly; sought people who could give me stories of healing testimonies from their own experiences. I no longer saw myself as an independent human being in control of my destiny. I realized I depended on God for my very breath. I wanted to experience the reality of God. But I could not see, touch or feel God like the way I could see, touch or feel a human being.

For the first time I saw myself as a prisoner of my five senses; as a bird in a cage longed to be free, I longed to break forth from the cocoon of my flesh and launch myself into the spiritual universe. I wanted to walk by faith, to experience reality beyond my five senses.

My intense spiritual struggle lasted for several months; many times I stumbled but I always picked myself up as my need for God was so intense and overpowering.

Even as I prayed, I kept shaking my head to see if the flashes of light were gone; I wanted to test my healing. One night about four or five months after the accident, I suddenly found that most of the flashes of light were gone. I was very excited; contrary to the prediction of the specialist, the condition of my eye did not deteriorate. In fact, it was getting better . I praised and thanked the Lord.

It has been one long spiritual pilgrimage since that day. Almost ninety-five percent of the flashes were gone, never to return. I continued to walk by faith for complete healing. Why didn’t God heal me completely? This is a question I am still asking all these years. I believe one day suddenly I am going to find that complete healing has come to my eye. There will not be even the faintest vestige of flash as I turned my head even in the depths of a dark night.

But even more important than healing, I want to be independent from the control of my five senses. I have been taught to believe in my healing despite the presence of the symptoms – I desperately want to. I still focus my thoughts on the 5 percent of flashes that still remain – I am fighting with my doubts and unbelief with all my five senses and I realise that I am not going to win unless I can transcend my flesh, that is, my physical senses and enter another realm – the spiritual realm which is so far beyond my reach. I do not want my spirit to be trapped in this physical world – I want to soar in the spirit to worlds beyond my reach where the impossible can happen, where God is in control. I am still flapping my wings like a baby bird.



AFTERTHOUGHT


As the years rolled on, I began to learn that there are two worlds we live in – the seen world and the unseen world. And I am still very much a prisoner of my five senses in that I am very much controlled by my flesh and my five physical senses.

I am not only a prisoner of my five senses but a prisoner inside my physical body as my spirit is trapped inside. I often struggle within myself to believe in the miraculous and it is almost like a physical effort. The spiritual world seems closed to me as I am unable to enter it. How can I break through its door? Is my faith strong enough, powerful enough to move the mountain of unbelief ? How can I live by faith outside my physical senses? I am still taking one step at a time but I believe there is a tiny breach somewhere in the massive wall of unbelief and the breach is getting bigger day by day. Hallelujah! My spirit will soon be free to roam into the spiritual world and I will be able to live in three dimensions – body, soul and spirit. It took thousands of years for mankind to discover and harness the use of electricity and radio waves but electricity and radio waves have existed right from the beginning of creation. Similarly, the spiritual world is real and eternal but we finite physical beings are not aware of its existence most of the time or not at all. We have a spirit but most of us are unaware of the existence and reality of our spirits or spiritually dead. Only the Holy Spirit can quicken our spirits and bring them to life. Hence, I am seeking the infilling of the Holy Spirit which has eluded me so far.

PRAISE TO THE LORD!

I am completely healed of the injury to my right eye - I confirm it today, 29th August 2009. It took more than eleven years for complete healing but my faith has been persistently growing for greater battles ahead. I will tell more of that in another story.

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